The Big Wave - Billie K

 Next Mrs McA helped me identify the key ideas in my story and I rewrote them.

 

These are some photos of my story as I was re-working it. Do you think I have improved??  Let me Know in the comments box Please:) 

Rewritten
Sinking my feet into the burning sand, waves crashing in the back round .The sun glaring at me like he was about to eat me. I was at the beach at Oakura where we were camping.

 I got so hot I decided I would go in the cool, fresh water only for a paddle, so I walked into the water very slowly when I got in it was tremendously cold.

I turn around just for a second but a second was too long, when I turned around I got struck by the most biggest the most baldest wave I have ever seen in my life one moment I was up the next moment I was down in the cold salty sea water

I got soaked but in the end I soldered on and went home. !!!!!

By Billie K

To write my story I had to ...

Write my story twice

Then I had to highlight the main parts.

I kept the highlighted parts and changed the other parts.

Then I published my story on the computer.

  Then Lucy and I used Natural Reader to check the punctuation.

We found some punctuation to put in.

Now I am done!!